The tragedy isn’t in all of the awful words I ever heard from “clean and sober members of Narcotics Anonymous.”
”Go overdose and die.”
”Die of aids, you f*g.”
”I hope you die from the virus.”
”I hope you die from the vaccine.”
”I hope you relapse.”
”When you finally relapse , you’re going to go out and f*** a dog.”
”He’s a scrawny diseased pervert with a short time to live.”
”If I ever saw you on the street, I’d ____”
”I’ll kill you.”
”I’ll beat you.”
”If I ever see you at a face to face meeting I’ll murder you.”
I could cry a river and say oh poor poor me, feel sorry for me, words are so awful, and I have, and no one cared.
They just called me a liar.
They said I “deserved it.”
The tragedy is that I dropped out of CADC classes, I have no compassion left in me. I would rather “relapse” or “kill myself” or “die” than have another one of these shitheads address me like that, including and especially while I’m working.
I heard stories about patients kicking and screaming during forced blood draws for a DUI investigation, calling you every name in the book and whomping on everybody and my blood went ice cold.
Oh no no no no, not again.
Never again.
I closed the site.
I have no empathy left in me.
I don’t want to “help” others anymore.
The most awful thing about it is,
I was a nicer person before I met any of you but if you piss me off enough these days:
I’ll repeat some of those exact same words to you.
Every time I’m bored and think about going to one of those “meetings.”
I think about the dudes at Lambda, or especially Kylon, snickering and cat calling and making passive aggressive comments when you walk into the room or if you dare to speak up, or the kind of attitude you would get for “daring” to not even want to respond or engage in that.
And I think that I would just about rather relapse or die than go back to that.
I guess I’m sober, but big fucking deal.
I am not a “better person” than I was when I arrived for attending that fucking freak show, online, or in person.
I had a dream where “I didn’t want to get into the drama” of why I vanished again , or I wanted to be a “bigger person” or “not sound exactly as crazy and enraged and resenful as I am about the whole affair” and I politely demurred and made up some superficial story.
The guy looked at me and said “I don’t believe you.”
I guess the most “honest” thing I can say then is I’m tired of caring if you people do or don’t. I am tired of talking to you at all.
I love snarling about “cult faced fucks” and going on a rampage about how if I had my way I would ban every religion on earth. I am not even in the mood for the kind of guilt, lies, threats, or other shit some of them are laying down with their atrocity propaganda and their war propaganda.
Greg Abbott and Donald Trump and the FBI didn’t do shit about anyone who ever burned down a city on their watch or who ever threatened me with violence.
If you want another dime for your political campaign, I want my foreskin back.